Christmas is traditionally a time for family. So when families break down, decisions over whose house the children spend Christmas in can often be particularly emotional and upsetting. With high net worth and international families, this decision can be further complicated by not only whose house, but in which country, the children are to spend Christmas in. To help matters run more smoothly, here are a few key points to bear in mind.
Plan ahead
The usual pattern is to alternate Christmas days with the children. This can either be set out in a child arrangements order made by the court, or informally agreed between the parents (and only the parents) either at mediation or between themselves.
An informal agreement should be formed well ahead (6 months is advisable) and any request by one parent to alter the Christmas schedule should also be made well ahead to allow the other parent time to come to terms with the suggestion and to avoid them having incurred costs and cancel other plans with the children.
For the parent not spending Christmas with the children, it is a good idea to plan to have a conversation at a specified time with the children and agree it with your ex-partner so that everyone is prepared. Also, try not to communicate any upset and instead look forward to the other plans you have made. The positive spin is that children with divorced parents get two Christmases.
Communicate clearly to overcome any issues early on
To avoid misunderstandings, it is always best to have important dates such as Christmas agreed in writing wherever possible. Where exactly they will be staying, what time and how they will be picked up and dropped off and how often and when the other parent will have video or telephone calls with the children over Christmas should be communicated to the other parent so that they are as fully informed as possible. Parents should also be mindful of the other parent’s feelings when posting on social media about the children over the Christmas period, particularly when there are new partners involved.
Unless there is a formal “lives with” (residence) order in place in their favour, that parent must agree any overseas trip with the other parent as it is a criminal offence to remove a child from the country in those circumstances without both parents’ consent. However, if a “lives with” order has been made in their favour, then that parent is permitted to take the child out of the UK for up to 28 days, in most cases without the other parent’s permission. Read more about taking a child on holiday without telling your Ex here.
In all cases, provide the other parents with the proposed destination, hotel or address at which the children would be staying in advance of booking any flights, and once the destination has been agreed, then provide the other parent with flight details as these would all be pieces of information that a court would require a parent to provide if they had to seek the court’s permission for that trip.
Allow time for a “specific issue” application
Sadly, sometimes parents cannot come to an agreement. This year, we have continued to see a knock-on effect from the Covid-19 pandemic over disagreements on whose turn it is to have the children for Christmas and holidays. Parents have missed their turn because ‘Christmas was cancelled’ last minute in 2020, so the children unexpectedly spent Christmas with the one parent and now the other thinks that the children should be with them this year to make up for it, although it is not “their turn” this year under the original agreement.
It may assist the parents to attend a one-off mediation with a child specialist to narrow down the main point of contention over the Christmas plans. Where mediation fails, then parents can turn to the courts to assist them.
Even where there have not been any court proceedings before in relation to the children, parents can apply for what is called a “specific issue” application. This is a one-off application to a Family judge to decide a specific issue relating to the children. This application can be used to decide anything from what school a child is to attend up to which town or country they should go to for Christmas.
As these applications are one-offs, they are generally dealt with quite quickly. However, to take into account the delays in the court system, we would generally advise that any application is made no later than four weeks before the intended holiday start date in the hopes that a court date can be fixed in time to decide the issue.