As part of Resolution’s #GoodDivorceWeek 2022, the WS Family team have put together their top 5 tips for how to have a “good divorce”.
Tip 1 – Consider a pre or post nuptial agreement
Whilst few like the idea of having to think about divorce before their wedding, nuptial agreements should be seen more like an insurance policy to help avoid or minimise arguments later on over the money, as well as drawn-out and expensive divorce litigation. Even if the parties did not have time or think of entering into a pre-nuptial agreement before the wedding, they still can after the wedding, in the form of a post-nuptial agreement. If both parties agree to abide by either the pre- or post- nuptial agreement, then its terms are simply converted into a consent order at the time of a divorce. This provides the parties with certainty and a swift resolution with minimal court involvement which can only be a good thing for the parties and their children.
Tip 2 – Communicate with each other, not through the children
For couples with children, communication between the parents is probably the key to having a “good divorce”. Some of the biggest disputes can often be over the children, for example which parent gets to spend time with the children at the weekend, over Christmas, on birthdays or even which city or country they live in. Whilst the courts can make the final decision for parents when they cannot agree these issues, it is often a slow process which pulls the children into the dispute and adversely impacts them emotionally for years to come. Better to try and come to a swift amicable agreement without court involvement. This may require the involvement of professionals at an early stage to help with communication and to reach agreement, whether that be a parenting coach or a mediator who is an expert in child arrangements. Your lawyer should be able to recommend a list of experienced child experts that could help.
Tip 3 – Take advice early
Once you know your marriage is at an end, it is sensible to take advice from a suitably qualified Family lawyer early on. This will help you decide which of the various alternative dispute resolution options you might want to pursue. Where you choose direct negotiations with your spouse, early advice should help them progress swiftly (and allow you to negotiate direct with your spouse from a position of knowledge). Further, in high profile cases, early advice is essential to help you plan and deal with management reputation issues. Your lawyer’s role is to guide you through all aspects of the divorce process as efficiently as possible, and with the right advice, they can help you to avoid court proceedings or use them in the most efficient manner where they are needed. It can also help the mediation process, should you choose to pursue that, to enter it with some understanding of what you might be entitled to on a financial split.
Tip 4 – Know when to compromise
Episode 9 of the latest season of the Crown deftly highlights how to go from having a bad divorce to a good one through the art of compromise (and knowing when to ask for help). Both Princess Diana and Prince Charles arm themselves at the start of the episode with Family lawyers who John Major comments to the Queen are known to be combative and which “points to a lengthy fight between the Waleses, not an amicable split”. The Queen could see, like any good Family lawyer should, that an amicable out of court agreement would be the best option for the couple and their children. She therefore asks an independent third party (John Major) to step in for some shuttle mediation between the couple which prompts Charles into offering Diana a compromise that brings the divorce to a swift close. It is not always easy, when caught up in the emotions of a divorce to be able to see when to compromise, so it is useful to involve independent third parties such as mediators, counsellors and lawyers to assist with this, and not be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Tip 5 – Tie up loose ends
If you have managed to reach an amicable settlement or agree a consent order, then that is not quite the end of it. Make sure that the agreement is properly and clearly documented (you will likely need a lawyer to assist with this, even where the agreement was reached between you) in a way that it will be binding on both of you. Where an agreement is not, then that allows the other party to come back at any point until they remarry. Once the agreement has been properly documented, then make sure that all the steps under the agreement have been fully complied with and within the time limits set. Delay in implementing the agreement can have unintended consequences such as changes in pension values that might require a return to court to vary certain points of the agreement. Also, where you receive a lump sum, do not overlook the importance of seeking advice from financial experts on how best to invest those monies to maximise them as it is usually impossible to go back and seek an increase from your ex-spouse to a lump sum, even where you need to.
If you have any queries about these divorce tips, please contact Sarah Ingram.